Being A People Pleaser

“A people pleaser” is what they call me. 

Just kidding. Absolutely nobody calls me that. But I have come to realize that is who I am.  

For some reason, I, and I feel like a lot of women my age, hate the word “no”. When someone asks me for a favor, it’s almost instinctual to just respond by saying “yes”. Even if I don’t have the time or it’s something I don’t want to do. 

Why do I do this? I think it’s because I have this weird fear of being disliked by people. Which is absolutely crazy, right? I mean, it’s impossible to be liked by everyone you meet. But for some reason, I go out of my way for people even when I shouldn’t. 

I have noticed that this is especially true when it comes to dealing with people of authority like bosses, professors, older family members. 

For example, this summer for my internship I was asked by someone who wasn’t even my supervisor to go into work really early and pick up 20 acai bowls for an event. Normally, this would have been a fine request. I mean, it was my internship and this is a situation where I should go out of my way to impress my bosses and do my best. However, my internship was in New York City, which for me was an hour commute from home. Rather than telling my supervisor that I was from New Jersey and this would be super hard for me to accomplish on time, I did it and I ended up being late to the event. This disappointed my boss even more than if I had just been honest and asked her to get another intern who lived closer to do it. 

But when she came up to me the day before and asked me to do this task for her, I literally couldn’t say no. Like the words couldn’t even form in my mouth. I looked up at her with a smile and was like, “oh, absolutely, sure, no problem at all, I would love to!” 

It also happens with friends that are more of acquaintances and even boys who I’m trying to impress or that I have feelings for. 

I find myself doing the absolute most for people that don’t deserve it, just because I want them to like me. When a boy treats me like crap, it’s almost like I’m more likely to do nice things for them. Let me know how that makes sense. I buy them too many drinks at the bar, when they ask me to be “casual” I say “sure” even if it’s not what I want. It’s like I lose all respect for myself in hopes that if I do what they want, they will gain feelings for me too. 

The more that people don’t like me, the more I try to get them to like me. 

I don’t know why I care so much. I know I should stand up for myself and respect myself and not be afraid to speak my mind. But for me, this is so much easier said than done. I have a voice, but I guess sometimes I am just afraid to use it. 

I wish I could tell you guys that I am vowing not to always say “yes”, but unfortunately that is going to take some time and a few more mistakes that I will eventually learn from. 

So, I guess the reason I’m writing this isn’t to give you advice about how to not care what people think of you. It’s more for those people who are afraid of speaking out, like me, who are living in an age and a generation where everyone seems to have such a strong voice.    

It’s ok to not have crazy courage yet, as long as you’re aware that at some point it needs to be found.